delhi

seeing the cows in the road, on the dirt, piles of trash they're walking through, birds perched on their sleeping backs, and smelling chai, steaming in copper pots, somewhere, and men gathered 'round with children peeking through, trying to get a look some television in a window, we walk by, and they stare, point, and laugh, and speak the english that they know "hello" "good day to you." market after market, and walls crumbling, fruit and vegetables for sale on cloths, spread out on the ground, the seller arrangeing his pieces nicely, everyone wants to make a sale. children slim boned, arms like broomsticks, motioning for something to eat, running, doing kartwheels, flipping, acrobatics learned on the street, a trick, something to get a coin, left-overs, anything to take home to the family. it's their act, they see us coming and in hindi a brother shouts to his dusty sibling "go!" men with red bettle-nut "paan" in their teeth, a stimulant, they smile, greet you, beg for money with their red smiles, their red desparation. walking up the steps and taking off our shoes to enter the largest muslim temple around. so peacful and quiet is the contrast to the screaming, horn honking, babies crying and poker-playing fathers betting...we relax. sit on the ground. absorb the silence. birds are being fed by a woman with seeds in her pouch, she has the most beautiful "sari" on, bright colors, oranges and pink, make-up, a "bindi" jewel on her brow.

we get back on the subway, a new underground train, looks just like new yorks, except all the ads in our car are for condoms and bollywood. we zoom back to someplace closer where we will take a "tuk-tuk" home. but no...the adventure, is not over, i've got more energy thanks to the chai, momentum is gaining speed, i say "i'll meet you guys back at the hostel" and i venture off, away from the group, i'm alone. my "tuk-tuk" (three wheeled green and yellow motorized cart) tail-gates it's way to lodi garden, where i tell the man to stop and i pay him his 70 rupies.

walking around solo now, taking it all in on my own. no one to share it with and so it all sticks. without the context of someone else's amazed eyes to bounce back and forth from, i allow myself to breathe and notice, converse with strangers without any idea of time. i play a game with myself. i'll ask everyone i meet to point me towards their favorite place to eat. this becomes a maze, i weave around around the neighborhood, circling past the same flowershops, man on the ground peircing ears, children making bracelets, past the animal bodies, open rib cages, hanging in the window....i keep walking.

i find myself at a fancy western restaurant. everyone speaks perfect english. the owner, i tell him i'm here with "the circus" and he says "what for, india IS a circus." we laugh. i eat pasta and bread, wine and tea. one man sitting next to me leans over "my parents say hot and cold is no good. bad for your health." i say "wine makes me sleepy. tea wakes me up!" we laugh at that, he sees my logic, he has a sweet face.

after dinner, a man in a tuk-tuk is waiting to talk to me. he sees me coming and i see him. we talk about america, george bush and 9-11. we talk about pakistan and hollywood, i say i'm from california and his eyes wake-up like i'm waving a million dollars in his face. he takes me to a shop where his friend works, he wants me to spend money but i don't. he wants me to get back in his tuk-tuk but i don't. when he's looking away i sneak off and walk some more.

the electrical lines are a mess, so messy, they become art. they cross that line. sculptures of knotted wires, entangled, obscene, right above my head.

two children run up and motion for food (little clawed hands bouncing back and forth from their mouths)...i start making hand motions of my own, and they laugh at me. it becomes a game, their claws and mine. like a puppet show, or pattycake, we're playing, store-keepers are watching me, everyone smiles.

when i return to the hostel i collapse. in the morning i call home and attempt to put the experience in my mouth. i say what i can, the way i can, and i start the day.