walking down the steps from my guest house, the smoke of burning bodies billowing up from behind the sinking temples, the ganga glistening, little offerings small banana leaf shrines, floating candles and wreaths. my sandals sink in the mud, it'll come off in the walk. some of the boatmen remember my name and they shout hello and say good morning as i make my way out into the world, not knowing what the day will bring, i breathe it all in.
always, the touts, the pestering people asking me where i want to go, you want hashish? astrology? a boat? a girl? "you tell me, i give you..."
the skinny water buffalo snorting and pissing and dripping, sopping wet, climbing out of the water like strange black silken kings. ribs sticking out, nostrils winking.
past the man sitting on the cloth, selling postcards and plastic jewels. every article placed precisely on the mark, kept in line. he takes his work seriously. there's a sign that reads: BIT SHOP. i've sat with him twice now, just to chat. to pass some time in the shade, stare at the water, he made me a necklace.
one day i went to a movie. entirely in hindi, no subtitles. but i think i got the gist. an indian man being pushed and shoved through london, or some british metropolis, unwanted and discarded. young lovers with jealousy issues, cricket game obsessed husband and pop-singing wife. pause for musical interlude. wind blown hair, constant fans blowing, eyes twinkling, almost kissing, romantic cheese. also a swishy chinese man in a hospital gown and a mean doctor with a heart of stone. something about a feather duster, and the audience roared...i missed the joke...but it was air-conditioned, a lovely escape from the chaos outside. i left the theatre and a cow pissed on me, immediately i was back in varanasi. i rinsed off at a spigot, sharing the spray with a holy man, dread-locked and swathed in orange, "namaste."
the man from the shop by my guest house invited me to lunch at his home. i went and took a million photos of his family. i got them printed at a local color lab and when i gave him the photos he smiled so large i thought maybe his face would change forever.
getting into the boat i slipped and fell into the ganga river. avoiding it for so long, it swallowed me. maybe i needed it. maybe it'll cleanse me. maybe it'll fix everything, i thought immediately. once i got in, another man followed and started rubbing me immediately, and i let him. he gave me a half-ass full body boat massage and wanted 300 ruppess, we argued for a while and i asked to get dropped off at once.
i gave him 150 which still seemed like too much, but it was what i needed to do to get rid of him. soaking wet and irritated i went back to the guest house to shower and change. there was singing coming from the room next door. i could hear it through my window, singing and chanting, as i toweled dry.
i met some friends down at the main ghat and we went on a two hour search for a bottle of rum. we found it eventually but i felt sick and retired to my room. two days of stomach aches and headaches and feverish chills but i left one night, i woke up drenched in sweat, no longer aching. i went for a walk and knew it was gone for good.
next day met up with my friends again over breakfast at the german bakery. croissants, rolls, cheese and espresso...
there's a little boy i think is magic. he is so special i swear. the biggest smile and the most friendly eyes. he's the one who invited me up to meet his parents that first day. one of the kids i bought a coke for. he gets a kick out of me. here's his picture:
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