clown clown clown

today i played around in the space and it was a total blast oh my god. i shared my characters with laura and cohdi and they loved it. first there was alvin macgee trying to jump up and hang from the trapeeze. falling a lot. twitching of course, desparately trying to straighten his clothes, tuck in his shirt, fix his hair. i found in my playing a new prop, raisins! little boxed raisins, they are alvin's favorite snack! yes! he has a lot of trouble getting them open (the little boxes), they fling everywhere, he picks them up while down on his knees and he munches away. oh that crazy clown. man, i sound insane talking about him like he's a person. but it feels that way sometimes. he was singing at one point, and i have never heard him sing. that was nice. and he played with a cake pan, but the cake of course got burnt. things i like, while playing him: trying to be cool as a cucumber, hang tight, stand at ease, look comfortable, failing of course, trying to just hang out, be there, not fidget. next in my character demo for laura and cohdi i showed them the newly revamped tommy granola, no clown nose, he's shirtless, wearing bell bottoms and completely idiotic. he's very half formed, as far as characters go, i still want to find him a new voice. his pelvis moves are working though. for sure. i like the head tilted back, the utra cool persona, totally chill, but rambling nonsence. unaware of how completely stupid he sounds, how ridiculous his attempts are to be sey, hip, down to earth. i need to find a layer working underneath, okay so he's not REALLY that smooth, deep down he's (blank). i'm looking for his heart, what's really down there. maybe a tiny little child wanting desparately to be admired, validated, loved. i'm looking for ways to expose him to others, while keeping his truth veiled to himself. and then there was mitch, the scary rubber masked redneck who mumbles about tools and roughing up out of towners. he's fun to play. he always talks about his frustrating experiences at the auto part store, or the hardware store, the hired help is never up to par with mitch. he is a total placerville-inspired beer burping man's man. awesome. his limbs and neck are stiff, too much back-breaking work with his hands, he is overtly masculine and rough, you don't want to mess with him. there is certainly a tragic side to mitch, behind his gruff exterior, and his finger-pointing tangents, he cannot figure out why it's so dang hard for him to connect with people. he blames everyone but himself. at least out loud. something tells me there's an insecure mitch that haunts his dreams. last but not least was wolly, which is a working name, for my commedia masked character, he was british tonight, but i'm not entirely convinced that's what he wants to be. other times wolly takes the form of a police man, a totally inept police man, issuing tickets for random stupid offenses. speaking in lingo and jargon only he knows, this keeps his selp-important image in tact, although no one really respects him. he always walks away feeling like he's on top. let me tell you it is so fun having a space to use, virtually whenever i want. so great. and now i know how to tie up the aerial equipment so it's out of the way, and turn on and off the lights and heater, and play music over the loud speakers. perfect. the night was capped with some wine and cheese and talking with laura my new roomie about life and love and sex and art and a million other things that could go on forever if you let them. she gave me a shoulder rub, and man i needed it. earlier in the day, i shopped and bought a load of food and some kombucha to drink, which i have been severely missing. and some warm woolen booties. great day. the new vibe with me and cohdi is great. totally awesome. we're much more at ease around eachother i think. there are still moments of course where i want to pounce him or sneak a kiss, but it's not time for that (yet?). i'm always open. we'll see. i think it's good we're getting to know eachother this way. yes. it is. it's all good.