sunday 12:51

not in penasco. i'm in sante fe. with people cohdi doesn't know and it feels good to be here. have some space. give him some. let my emotions rest. let myself relax and laugh with fun people. down to earth people. happy people.

my friend from placerville, jesslyn, just happens to be in new mexico this week, and her friends she's staying with came and picked me up in penasco, over an hour drive, and so i'm here for a few days, and it is lovely being away. her friends are swell.

i feel a little more like i'm back in my life. not a visitor, someone who was invited to stay. i'm a friend. someone's friend. and i'm here and appreciated, and they like me a lot, they tell me that. and it's silly, but it feels so good to be hearing that, to feel affirmed like that. i'm an okay guy. and people appreciate me.

it's sunny outside too. and there's good music playing in their house.

the pipes back in penasco broke which means no running water until someone can fix it. when i left they were melting snow on the wood stove so they could flush the toilets. man, i'm glad to get out of there.

talking with people about theater and clowning, people without expectations or prior knowledge of me, this new circle, and connecting from NOW, not some ambiguous BEFORE place.

i talked to a guy here about a 10 day meditation retreat, it's the second time it's been mentioned around me this week, it sounds great. no talking, no eye contact with anyone, complete silence and reflection, for 10 days. you stay for free and they feed you delicious food. i want to do it this summer. i will.

i had a dream last night which my parents were in, we were all at burning man, but it looked like my old high school football feild. and there was a speaker talking about a couple's cruise, and my mom leaned over to my dad and said, oh let's do that. and i walked to the bathroom to wash the clay mask i had all over my face off. and the shower had a statue next to it that spoke about VIRGO's needing to be saved that they were the people of the harvest, and needed tending to. cohdi's a virgo, and in the dream i didn't make that connection. i had a camera, too, that got water in it, so i was drying it out, so it would work again, and the light was on, and that was a bad thing.

i woke up to jesslyn jumping on me and telling me it was time to get up and go to breakfast. it was divine.

a good new mexico breakfast always does the trick.